PFW: MIU MIU F/W 2014

I’m afraid I have some bad news for all the pretty teen girls who were looking forward to wearing Miu Miu to school next fall: None of the skirts or dresses in this collection have hem lines long enough to meet your school’s dress code requirements. In fact, you’ll probably be lucky if your dad let’s you out of the house in a skirt this short. But then, Miu Miu girls are a bit on the naughty side, anyway, with their shirts undone so that the bra shows. I’m sure they’ll have sufficient ways to sneak around parents and dress codes to wear their favorite styles.

I also have some bad news for Rihanna: You’re too [expletive deleted] old for this label. Consider who was sitting next to you on the front row: Lupita Nyong’o, Elle Fanning, Elizabeth Olsen, Bella Thorne, and Margot Robbie, all of which are at least ten years younger than you. Miu Miu is for them, not you. Paris Fashion Week is over. Go home.

Don’t even get me started on Jared Leto arriving with Terry Richardson. One can only assume they were there in hopes of hitting on the barely-legal starlets down the row from them.

Why am I wasting time with such nonsense? Because, as attractive and commercially successful as this Miu Miu collection is going to be, there’s really not a lot here to talk about. What we see in the first handful of looks is pretty much it. From that point on, everything else is just a variation on a them. Even the sound track was three versions of the same song! After about three minutes, it was difficult to stifle the yawns; after five minutes it was impossible.

So, what are we looking at? Snaps, plastic, quilting and rain coats.

Done.

Okay, I’ll elaborate a little more. Snaps: on all of the button-down shirts. No actual buttons were harmed, or even picked up, in the making of this clothing line. Instead, we have snaps, just like one would see on a western-styled shirt, or in this case, just like those fastening the rain coats worn over most the looks. We will just have to assume that the snaps work, though, because none of the shirts were actually fastened. Once again, Miuccia left the shirts open so that the bra is visible. This is one of the “bad girl” vibes we’ve seen in this collection before, especially in this year’s spring/summer collection. Is Ms. Prada saying that the Miu Miu girls are easy, or just anxious? I’ll let you decide. I’m glad I don’t have daughters.

Skirts, and several of the dresses, are quilted, which would be a nice, warm, homey touch were it not for the fact that the hemlines on these pieces are so high one might get more coverage from wearing pot holders; the look really is quite similar. Fortunately, most all the ensembles were shown with coats that are significantly longer. So, maybe if one keeps the coat on neither parents nor teachers will realize just how short the skirt is. One interesting touch comes when, following the visual trend of faux layering with sheer, Miuccia uses transparent plastic rather than tulle or chiffon as her sheer “layer.” The look is very hip and modern, and almost, in a very strange way, gives the dresses a bit of a 60s vibe.

Shoes are the other place we see a lot of plastic. No, I’m not talking about the rubber boots on some of the ensembles. Ms. Prada’s take on the ankle boot is to do it in sheer, colored plastic with a contrasting-colored cloth closure at the top. Again, this is a very young, very sporty look. Pay close attention to the heel, though, and notice the construction-like reinforcement to the stiletto. I’m curious whether this is just a visual design aspect or whether it might actually be functional in preventing the heel from snapping off. We can hope for the latter.

Rubberized and clear plastic rain slickers were … uhm … rubberized or clear plastic. While there were a lot of these coats in the collection, there’s nothing really new or exciting about them. In fact, it is the one aspect where one would probably do better to hit up the local sporting goods store and purchase practically the same look for about $400 less. This is where the collection gets especially yawn-invoking. These coats have been around for years and are so not new that I have to question whey Miuccia even bothered with them.

There are a few really cute knit sweaters in the collection, and a leather skirt or two if one feels the need to be expressive in that direction. She also includes a few touches of rainbow metallic for those who can’t help but be terminally happy.

We’ve seen Miuccia do much better with this secondary line. I can only imagine that she poured so much creativity into the main Prada line this season, which was brilliant, that she really didn’t have anywhere to go when it came time to do this one. Teen girls will love it, of course, but the collection itself isn’t likely to win any design awards, or even much in the way of an editorial spin. Maybe next season.

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